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Daggers Dictionary

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DAGGERS DICTIONARY

"Assband"
Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc.

 

 

Crest

Next Match


28 February 2017
7:45pm
Maidstone United
Home
Vanarama National League 
 

Last Match


21 February 2017
Bromley
Home
Vanarama National League 
Won 2-1


     On This Day


In 1996,The Daggers lost 0-1 to Northwich Victoria Away in the GM Vauxhall Conference 


In 2001,The Daggers beat Hednesford Town 2-0  Away in the Nationwide Conference 


In 2007,The Daggers beat York City 2-1 at Home in the Nationwide Conference 


In 2009,The Daggers lost 0-1 to Bournemouth at Home in the Coca Cola League Two 


 

 

Daggers Dictionary

Coming to Victoria Road? Here's a handy guide on the local dialect. DiggerDagger would welcome any contribution to this section from the locals.

Every club has its own special language used by the supporters as an insiders code. Dagenham & Redbridge are no different. Should you find yourself at Victoria Road and have no idea what the hell the locals are on about, here is a handy list of terms and their meanings:

Click on a letter below to jump to entries starting with that letter.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A

"AFC" - Used as a prefix for a football club on the way back from a disaster of some sort.

"Agyemang" - A particularly unbelievable loan signing that plays a couple of times, is rubbish, and heads back to wherever they came from.

"Akinde" - Synonym for injured.

"Alan" - A clippings and cuttings service for all relevant newspaper articles. (from "Auntie Merge")

"Aldershot" - Either (1) mouthing off incessantly about how you are going to win everything in sight and going on to achieve absolutely nothing, or (2) the equivalent of "Zoo" (below).

"Alex" - The act of being unable to abbreviate correctly.

"Alma chizzit" - A request to find the cost of an item in the Dagger Shop.

"Amant" - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in 'Endon").

"Arlesey" - The moment in a season when you realise the next important game is not until August.

"Ashley" - Giving blood in the service of Dagenham & Redbridge FC.

"Assband" - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc.

"Auntie" - A 6-0 win to the Daggers, often forecast, rarely achieved.

"Auntie Merge" - Showing an absurd level of optimism.

"Awss" - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day").

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B

"Balti Pie" - Compulsory nosh on away trips but sadly not available at home.

"Barnes" - Either (1) an overweight opposing forward that somehow always seems to manage to score against you, or (2) amusing banter from a player you'd love to hate but somehow have to grudgingly admire (opposite of an "Elding").

"Barnet" - The ability to make your concessions policy needlessly complex and unfathomable and in the process piss off most visiting fans.

"Bas Vegas" - The Festival Leisure Park, Basildon.

"Bastock" - The ability to polarise opinion.

"BBC Essex" - An organisation with a limited grasp on geography, that only takes an interest when the Daggers are doing well or in the FA Cup rounds proper.

"Billericay" - A nursing home for old or invalid ex Daggers. (from Simon Williams, Billericay Town fan)

"Boston" - The armpit of the universe, located amid toxic swampland in darkest Lincolnshire and inhabited by subhuman beings known as "Cheats".

"Boucaud tourettes" - An affliction that causes uncontrollable swearing when a particular player is brought on as a sub for your team.

"Bovril" - A foul smelling brown liquid beloved of northern types apparently sold at near lethal strength by the tea bars at Victoria Road.

"Braithwaite" - The seeming inability to score despite being in the right place at the right time.

"Branna" - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")

"Brennan" - Wearing a hairstyle that hasn't been fashionable for the last 20 years.

"Broom" - A severe injury gained in an obscure or unbelievable manner.

"Brother of" - The compulsory description for Paul Terry for anyone involved in the media.

"Broughton" - A player who arrives with a bang, then fades over a series of matches until he moves on without a whimper.

"Bruce" - A hairstyle involving having it highlighted and spiked in the middle.

"Budget" - Trying to get a quart out of a pint pot.

"Burnett" - A dead man walking... and walking, and walking, and...

"Burton" - Being known only with a prefix (as in Nigel Clough's Burton Albion™.)

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C

"Cambridge" - What happens when you play football with a hangover.

"Canvey" - Cancelling something at the last minute without consultation with the other parties involved, thereby completely pissing them off.

"Carlisle" - A very, very long way.

"Carrot Cruncher" - Someone from East Anglia, north of Colchester.

"Carthium Event Horizon" - An entirely predictable event when expenditure massively exceeds income.

"Charlery" - The act of infuriating the support by not putting in any effort, yet scoring a vital goal.

"Charlton" - The act of almost getting egg on your face but ducking at the last second, then pretending you weren't worried at all the whole time.

"Cheat" - Anyone or anything to do with Boston United FC.

"CMS" - Someone or something known almost entirely only by initials.

"Coach" - A method of away travel favoured by the very young and very old.

"Cobb" - The act of pretending to make an attempt at a header by jumping several seconds too early.

"Cold Dog" - The Dagger version of a hot dog, where the bun is warmer than the sausage. (from Len Britton)

"Cort a panda" - A rather large hamburger.

"Crawley" - A group of people that moan continually how few you took to their ground then turn up with a quarter the number at your place.

"Crutches" - The preferred method of transport of Daggers defenders. (from Len Britton)

"Cup Fever" - That special feeling when they drop the balls into the velvet bag and your team are in there somewhere (see also "FA Cup").

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D

"Dagger" - To be a Dagger is something special, it means you have something about you. Not just ability, you have got to have something that makes you want to work hard and fulfil your potential. Daggers never give up, never stop.

"Dagger Time" - The time between 88 minutes and the end of injury time when the Daggers were particularly likely to score in cup matches under Garry Hill, but sadly not since.

"Dahn" - The opposite of "up".

"Dan in the maff" - Unhappy ("Garry looked a bit dan in the maff after the Hereford game.").

"Dave the Plumber" - The Daggers chairman following the retirement of club legend Dave Andrews. A mysterious figure rarely sighted and never heard from.

"Decorators Cup" - The local name for the Football League Trophy.

"Desmond" - A 2-2 draw.

"Destiny" - Something that was alleged to be "taking over" at Stevenage in the early "naughties", but took many many years to materialise.

"Dickie" - The overpowering feeling that your teams physio is going to have a heart attack himself before he reaches an injured player.

"Doncaster" - The act of continually falling over for little or no reason. (from Len Britton)

"Douglas" - Ensuring your hairband matches the rest of your outfit.

"Drummer" - One who plays a trumpet (from Paul from Barking)

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E

"Efty" - Something quite large, for example "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."

"Ejog" - A small spikey animal, often run over by XR3i's.

"Elding" - An opposing player that can wind up home fans in the nastiest of manners (the opposite of a "Barnes").

"England" - An outside event that reduces the attendance at other matches.

"Essex Senior Cup" - Two blokes in the away end. (from Len Britton)

"Evans" - Either (1) something given to you in a brown paper bag to keep you quiet, or (2) something distasteful emanating from the country of Scotland.

"Exeter" - Either (1) the ability to get the League rules unreasonably altered mid-season (see also "Stevenage"), or (2) borrowing a tenner and paying back a pound.

"Eye-eels" - Women's shoes.

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F

"FA" - An organisation that is supposed to look after football but actually just makes noises about it.

"FA Cup" - A faint buzzing tension in the head and chest caused by excitement and anticipation (see also "Cup Fever").

"Face-on-a-stick" - A very skinny but attractive girl.

"Fanta" - A drink sold at Victoria Road with a luminous orange colour and strange taste, bearing no relationship to the soft drink of the same name sold elsewhere in the UK.

"Farnborough" - Much the same as an Aldershot only on a grander scale and in worse surroundings.

"Fingy" - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I 'ad it off wiv fingy last night."

"Fong" - A skimpy undergarment, usually worn by women but also by men from Surrey.

"Furrock" - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre, although unfortunately, no football.

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G

"Garrij" - A building where a car is kept or repaired (Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working proper").

"Garry" - The ability to use the expression "You know" at least fifteen times in any given sentence, you know?

"Gary Hill" - A sure sign that the poster is not really a Daggers fan, rather an imposter on a wind-up.

"Gloves" - An item of clothing which, when worn by opposition forwards, always signifies it's going to be a good day for the Daggers.

"GLS" - A completely pointless competition that no-one taking part in actually cares a jot about winning (see also "LDV").

"Golden Goal" - Either (1) a small piece of paper bought by many near the turnstiles resulting in Alan getting £50, or (2) having your heart ripped out through your throat, then having 500 drunk Yorkshiremen taking the piss about it.

"Gomis" - To do a “Gomis” - arrange with your mates to go somewhere or do something only to cry off at the last minute saying that your wife/girlfriend/agent won’t let you come out to play. (From West Country Dagger)

"Gone Ball" - A Tim Cole clearance, which usually has to be recovered from the car park in Orlake records.(from Alan Mendham)

"Gothard" - Someone who is great until they leave the club but is a shadow of their former self on their return.

"Gravesend" - A dreadful choice of colours in your away kit.

"Griffiths" - The footballing equivalent of that moment when policemen start looking young to you.

"Grim" - Anywhere north of Watford. (from Len Britton)

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H

"Haitch" - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

"Hamburger" - A piece of charcoal in a bun. (from Len Britton)

"Hampton" - Nirvana. (from Len Britton)

"Harper" - The act of not practicing what you preach.

"Harris" - Someone or something that remains in the background despite being absolutely vital to the job in hand. Always highly appreciated by those that are aware the job the Harris does.

"Heffer" - Either (1) the act of getting sent off for no discernable reason at all, the opposite of a "Vickers", or (2) a player that you don't notice at all until they aren't playing.

"Hendon" - An area of ground, usually submerged under water, which is totally unsuitable for the playing of football.

"Hereford" - An event that is best forgotten.

"Hill" - Getting going when the going gets tough, only somehow taking a shedload of money with you.

"Hines" - An injured player that is almost ready to return and rescue your season but never actually seems to get fit.

"Hornchurch" - The act of practising self-destruction in the most spectacular style.

"Howard" - The act of getting sent-off for having a bad aim. (from Johnson)

"Hughes" - Similar to an "Elding" but with less hair and a criminal record.

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I

"Ibeefa" - Balaeric holiday island.

"In The Know" - A sure-fire sign that the poster is about to post a wildly inaccurate and unbelievable rumour

"Init" - The local equivalent of "isn't it" in the Queen's English. It is sometimes a statement, sometimes a question, init.

"Invincible" - A team is apparently "invincible" if it is unbeaten into November. This can be embarrassing it it then finishes second, beaten by 14 points and then loses in the play offs (see "Oxford United")

"Ives" - The act of pretending to know what you are supposed to be doing. (See also Woolmer, Yerby)

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J

"Janney" - Either (1) similar to a "Terry" only even less likely to score (see definition of a "Terry" below), or (2) the local name for the FA Cup, Second Round.

"John" - A goal scored with an unlikely and improbable part of the body.

"Jones" - Either (1) to have abuse hurled at you for an entire match despite being one of the hardest working players on the pitch, or (2) to take a wicked corner that has the defence in a complete panic.

"Junior" - A mazy run to the corner flag with your team drawing but on top with five minutes left in the game.

"Justice" - The complete annihilation of Boston United Football Club

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K

"Kandol" - A highly amusing use of peroxide.

"Kettering" - Dominating a match for 90 minutes and yet being unable to score.

"Kettle" - A free kick given for an offence that no one else in the ground has seen take place, usually in the penalty area.

"Kimble" - The uncanny ability to appear to run faster than you actually are able to.

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L

"Lafarjik" - Lacking in energy ("Looks like Lenny Piper's a bit lafarjik today.").

"LDV" - A competition that you only take seriously if you are drawn at home against local opposition (see also "GLS").

"League Cup" - Going out of a competition at the first opportunity.

"Leberl" - A player rated highly by a coach or manager for reasons entirely lost on the fans.

"Leigh" - Having an angry bald man shout at you for an hour.

"Lenny" - Being rated higher than your brother for no apparent reason.

"Levver" - Material made from the skin of an animal.

"Lid" - An essential part of a bottled drink bought at Victoria Road which is taken away meaning that you spill it in your pocket or over your shoes.

"Loan" - Here today, gone tomorrow.

"Lombard" - Term used for many Premiership footballers. Lots Of Money But A Right Dickhead.

"Looser" - The signal that the person writing a post in a forum or message board has no basic grasp of English. (See also "Gary Hill", "Morecome")

"Luton" - An over expensive seat with no legroom and an awful view of the game is known as a "Luton".

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M

"Ma Blarch" - A triumphal arch near Hyde Park, which is "up West".

"Mackail-Smith" - A player who excites the crowd into wanting to sing his name, but try as they may, they can't get it to scan in any recognised chant or song.

"Magnus" - A player whose surname is virtually unpronouncable.

"Marie Celeste" - An area of the ground with either sparse attendance or no visible attendance at all, i.e. the Barking College Family Stand.

"McDougald" - A footballer who only springs into life when the cameras are rolling or it is an FA Cup game.

"Meechan" - The act of proving what you can do if given a chance.

"Monkey" - £500

"Monty time" - It is a must win game, it's 1-1, and the assistant has just shown the board for added time at the end of the game. Enter Graeme Montgomery!

"Moore" - The act of overexciting the supporters into thinking you are the next Ronaldo.

"Morecome" - One of a number of mis-spellings of "Morecambe"

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N

"Non League Paper" - Either (1) something that really ought to be great but somehow fails to work right time after time, or (2) having the worst kind of journalistic standards possible.

"Norwich" - The act of deciding not to take enough tickets for an away FA Cup game.

"Nugget" - A one pound coin.

"Nuneaton" - A ludicrously bright colour.

"Nurse" - Doing everything with a smile on your face.

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O

"Odour colon" - A particularly smelly fart.

"Oi oi!" - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs.

"Opara" - The act of diving when it's easier to shoot.

"Orange" - The preferred skin tone of many of the younger women seen at Victoria Road, usually accompanied by a youth in a hoodie.

"Orient" - A game where the team that looks to have it in the bag goes on to lose (see D&R 4 Orient 5 and D&R 3 Orient 2).

"Oxford United" - Either (1) Not being as good as you think you are or (2) Misunderstanding the meaning of the word "Invincible".

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P

"Pacific" - Local term which is the equivalent of "specific" in the Queen's English.

"Pack" - A loan player who, when he arrives, no-one can understand why the manager rates him, but by the time his loan is up, is key to the future of the club.

"Paipa" - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sunday Sport.

"Park Lane" - An area of tidal swampland that has been converted into something resembling a football ground with generous use of scaffolding and corrugated fencing.

"Peanut smuggling" - What a girl is said to be doing when her nipples can been seen through her clothes.

"Peroxide" - The preferred hair conditioning product for the Daggers midfield circa 2007/08

"Phil" - Having a very warped sense of reality. See also an "Ukranian"

"Plucky" - A term attached to any non-league team who takes on a club from the Football League or Premiership (see also "Valiant").

"Policeman" - Being paid to drink tea and watch football at Victoria Road (see also "Steward").

"Pondfield" - An area of grassed ground with an improbably large amount of dog mess on it.

"Pony" - £25

"Pre-season" - Either (1) watching a bunch of players you don't recognise run round in last seasons kit, or (2) the period between relegation and reality setting in where fans of ex-Football League clubs can be found stating "we are going to piss this tin pot league" at every opportunity.

"Priceless" - An away win at a club who insist on taking the rise out of beating you at home earlier in the season then chuck a 2-0 lead in the return game (see Aldershot 2 D&R 3).

"Pub Team" - A football club which travels on the day of the game rather than staying overnight for away matches, but annoyingly can still win despite having virtually no time to warm up.

"Purfleet" - The act of being scared of a lesser opponent.

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Q

"Quality" - Term applied to any new signing who transpires to be as much use as a chocolate teapot.

"Quiet" - The sound emanating from previously annoying Hornchurch supporters following the Carthium Event Horizon.

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R

"Rainham" - Synonym for "Freeloader"

"Reband" - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig"), or a preferred method of scoring a goal ("Mooro sniffed up the reband off the keeper.")

"Rikybism" - The act of using a completely irrelevant analogy.

"Robbo" - Either, (1) a goalkick or clearance that finds touch in your own half of the field, or, (2) an unbelievably late and unlikely equaliser (as in "Steve Heffer got a Robbo in the Orient game.")

"Rogers" - A sharp elbow to the throat.

"Roofless" - Either, the Bury Road End at Victoria Road, or, Someone without compassion.

"Rooney" - A player that is taken off with 20 minutes to go in every game, regardless of the match situation. (from Len Britton)

"Rush" - The act of promising much and delivering nothing.

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S

"Saffend" - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world and the place where the characters from Eastenders go on holiday, although unfortunately, no football.

"Salako" - A jammy deflected late equaliser.

"Sarff" - South.

"Sawted" - Done, arranged, resolved.

"Scoreboard" - A peice of electronic equipment you have no idea how to use.

"Scott" - The term for a footballer moved on before being given a chance to show what they could do.

"Segregation" - Three blokes and a dog in the away end. (from Len Britton)

"Sieve" - A place that looks at if it ought to be dry and warm but is actually damp and cold.

"Slough" - A final realisation that you've achieved your goal!

"Smith" - A disastrous back pass (reference Mark at Crawley Town FA Cup 2003 or Peter for Canvey 2005).

"Snubstitution" - When the withdrawn player walks straight past the manager and down the tunnel.

"Soilder" - Somebody who soils his pants, watching his team take to the field (from Chigwellian)

"Steino" - A 1-0 win where you had one chance in the whole game and took it.

"Stevenage" - Either (1) stealing another clubs manager and team in a panic to avoid relegation, or (2) attempting to expand a division because you look like getting relegated (see also "Exeter").

"Stevens" - The name used by away announcers for a player better known as Ben Strevens.

"Steward" - Either (1) getting paid to wear a luminous jacket, without actually achieving much, (2) standing around watching a game drinking free tea (see also "Policeman"), or (3) the ability to completely disappear the moment you are needed.

"Still" - Being never too excited by a win or too down after a defeat.

"Stimpson" - An opposing manager who has more to say about your club, particularly its finances, than his own.

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T

"Tan" - The City of London, the big smoke.

"Taylor" - A serious injury incurred at just the wrong moment for the team.

"TBS" - A particularly fine looking piece of architecture that you want to go into regularly but is off limits most of the time.

"Ted" - To refuse to make a substitution and to persist with non-scoring big lump despite having free scoring legend (see "John" above) on the bench. (from Alan Mendham)

"Terry" - The act of putting the ball into orbit when it seems practically impossible not to score (see also "Janney").

"Timmy" - A heavy tackle or challenge, usually early in the game, making the point to the opposing player that its going to be "one of those days".

"Tomlin" - Something or someone that is not worth whatever you are paying for it, even if that is twopence.

"Tree Surgeon" - One who loves your team more than the team he is supposed to support.

"Trumpet" - Instrument played by a drummer, apparently (from Paul from Barking)

"Trumpet Boy" - Writing something and then realising on reading it back that it makes no sense at all.

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U

"Ukranian" - A wild accusation with no apparent basis in fact. See also a "Phil"

"Umbrella" - The closest to a covered terrace available at an away FA Cup Qualifying Round match or Gillingham

"Undergrahnd" - Method of mass transport, typically closed for engineering work if the Daggers are at home.

"Up West" - Where posh people go shopping and the young go to get drunk.

"Urchin" - Something that used to be annoying that has gladly now gone away.

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V

"Valiant" - The act of losing to higher opposition despite putting in huge effort (see also "plucky").

"Vernazza" - A player who has apparently played at the highest level but fails to demonstrate even a bit of why that was when picked for your team.

"Vickers" - The act of not getting sent off despite kicking the cr4p out of your opponent for the whole game, the opposite of a "Heffer".

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W

"Ward" - Either (1) A player who decides he has to take the piss out of the home crowd despite there being no previous at all, or (2) Short man syndrome.

"Webbats" - Querying the location, something or someone is. ("Webbats is Garry going to play Brucey this week?").

"Welfie" - Someone who is rich.

"Westley" - Something that is full of hot air and yet still manages to get up your nose.

"Woodall" - Someone that always takes the "Supersize" option at McDonalds, despite being a professional footballer.

"Woolmer" - Either (1) a total lack of understanding of the laws of football (see also Ives, Yerby), or (2) the equivalent of a "Cheat" (see above) in the Hereford area of Wales.

"Wordsworth" - A player with an excellent reputation at other clubs who singularly fails to live up to it when he joins you and yet returns to form as soon as he leaves.

"Wreck" - Either (1) something falling down or broken. or (2) the home ground of Aldershot Town FC

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X

"X-rated" - Any tackle carried out on your favourite player

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Y

"Yerby" - The epitome of someone unfit to referee a football match (see also Ives, Woolmer). Yerby caused so much fun at Conference level he can now be seen fouling up Premiership matches for a wider audience.

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Z

"Zoo" - Suitable home for football supporters choosing to wear Burberry or Stone Island (see also "Aldershot" above).

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